My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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