Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
