I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
