We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
