i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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