babies were throwing up all over the place
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
