my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
