i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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