Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
