I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
