I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
