My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Boobs are out for the taking
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
