So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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