Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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