His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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