ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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