the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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