ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
did you just send me my own nude
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
