he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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