Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
