guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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