What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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