He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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