I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
