I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
