So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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