He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
