GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
