I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
