She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
