If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I just sharted jello shots
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