New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Someone came in the potted fern
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
