So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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