Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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