How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
