Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
