And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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