my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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