she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
