yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
