You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
