She's like a pop up book from hell.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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