Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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