hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
