Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
