it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
