you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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