yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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