My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
