I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
